Hey, It’s Been a While…” and Other Networking Red Flags

Why Ghosting Then Pitching Is the Fastest Way to Burn a Bridge (and What to Do Instead)

Let’s talk about one of my biggest business pet peeves. You’ve probably experienced it too.

You meet someone at a networking event, a conference, or maybe even a virtual coffee chat. You exchange pleasantries, maybe even connect on LinkedIn. Then… crickets. Months, sometimes years go by. No check-ins. No engagement. No “Happy Holidays” or “Congrats on your new role.” Just silence.

Then out of nowhere, your inbox pings:

“Hey [Your Name],
It’s been a while. How are you?

I wanted to share something I’m working on that could really help your business…”

Cue the eye roll. Lol.

🚩 The “Ghost-and-Pitch” Move

This, my friends, is what I call the Ghost-and-Pitch. It’s when someone disappears into the networking abyss, only to reappear when they need something, usually a sale, a referral, or a favor.

Let me be clear: I’m all for reconnecting. Life gets busy. We all fall off the radar sometimes. But if the first message after months (or years!) is a thinly veiled sales pitch disguised as a “how are you?” You’re not reconnecting. You’re cold calling with extra steps.

And it doesn’t land well.

🤔 Why Do People Do This?

Honestly? Because it’s easy. It’s the digital equivalent of “spray and pray” marketing. Blast out enough messages and hope someone bites. But here’s the thing: people can smell inauthenticity from a mile away. And when your first message in ages is all about you, it sends a loud and clear message:

“I didn’t care enough to stay in touch, but now that I need something, I’m back.”

Oof.

💔 Why It Doesn’t Work

• It feels transactional. Relationships are built on trust, not tactics. When you only show up to make a sale, it’s obvious, and off-putting.

• It damages your credibility. People remember how you made them feel. If your outreach feels opportunistic, they’re less likely to respond now or ever.

• It’s a missed opportunity. Had you nurtured the relationship, you might’ve had a warm lead, a referral partner, or even a collaborator. But now? You’re just another pitch in the pile.

💡 What to Do Instead

If you’re guilty of the Ghost-and-Pitch (hey, no judgment—we’ve all made mistakes), here’s how to turn things around:

1. Reconnect before you need something.
   Send a genuine message. Congratulate them on a recent milestone. Share an article they might find useful. Ask how they’re doing with no strings attached.

2. Be honest.
   If you’ve been out of touch, own it. “I realize it’s been a while. I’ve been meaning to reconnect and see how things are going on your end.”

3. Offer value first.
   Before you ask for anything, ask yourself: What can I give? A helpful resource, a referral, a thoughtful insight. Lead with generosity.

4. Build a system for staying in touch.
   Use a CRM (yes, I had to say it) to track your connections and set reminders to check in. Relationships thrive with consistency, not convenience.

🙌 Relationships Are the Real ROI

At the end of the day, business is about people. And people remember how you show up. If you treat your network like a vending machine, only showing up when you want a snack then you’ll find it empty when you really need it.

But if you invest in your relationships with care, consistency, and authenticity, you’ll build a network that’s not just responsive, but loyal, generous, and genuinely invested in your success.

So next time you’re tempted to send that “Hey, it’s been a while…” message followed by a pitch, pause. Ask yourself: Have I earned the right to ask? If not, start by giving. You’ll be amazed at what comes back.

Let’s raise the bar on how we connect. The world doesn’t need more cold pitches. It needs more warm relationships.

What’s your biggest networking pet peeve? Please do share with me at [email protected].